Day 5 in the mall

Morning:
I'm feeling much better today. Didn't have to be at the mall until 12:00 pm thank God. Don't think I could have come in any earlier. Big O and I had a long talk, I had to apologize about the foolishness yesterday. Not having a car is overwhelming but he assured me that we'd get through this and that he would handle this transportation thing. Okay, I said with an unassured voice, but feeling better that he even said it.

God, what is it? What are you trying to teach me in this? What do you want me to learn?

I did Mz. Chocolates hair and made sure she was appropriately dressed for church. She now dresses herself for church so I do a once over and send them on. Bud, Tammy, and Bud's friend walked to church again this Sunday. Lia Pooh cried because she wanted to go too, I didn't think she could walk that far so I told her she could hang with mommy today. You should have seen the look on her face...she ran around the house trying to find something sparkling to put on. I wear my rhinestone t-shirts to the mall everyday so she wanted to wear one too. She didn't have any so we decided to make her one once we got to the mall.

Afternoon;
I'm so glad the mall is only open for 6 hours today, because my fool self has to work tonight. Oh, let me let you in on another secret...I have another job. I schedule myself when I wanna work so it's not that bad. The only thing is I scheduled myself to work Sunday night. What the heck was I thinking?

I've only had one sell today and it's okay. Kelly's words keep ringing in my ear, it's gonna be slow in November. Lia Pooh helped me spend the money from the one sell I made today. She needed to eat, play and get a snack while she was here. She wanted me to look at clothes, and see these dolls at the Disney Store that I had no money for. I ask the neighbor lady to keep an eye on my space so that I could get a little mommy time in. It was fun, I don't think I've ever walked in a mall with my Lia Pooh holding hands, laughing, and skipping like we were the only two people in the mall. It made me feel like mommy again, squeezing out all the worries over the last few days. It's amazing what being with your kids can do for you if you just let them.

Evening:
Finally at home, Mz. Chocolate wanting to know the details of the day. I fill her, Bud, and Big O in on the details, and they repay me with the same. Off to sleep for me, I have to go to work in three hours. Brownie, where is Brownie? I need to talk to her. A deep since of sadness falls on me. I realize tomorrow is her 16th birthday and we have nothing for her. Awe man, I won't even see her tomorrow I will be at the mall until 9ish when I get home they are usually on their way to bed.

I talk to Brownie assuring her that we will celebrate her birthday just not tomorrow. She smiles and says well, would you mind if my "Friend" takes me to dinner. You know what, I need to process this...This is what I tell my kids when I need to buy some time. Yikes, I don't want her to go, but is that selfish? I don't know how to tell if what I'm feeling is right or wrong. I don't have anything planned and i don't want her having a good time with him and we haven't done anything. Big O says let her go...so with that I'm off to sleep.

3rd shift working Momma,
Boss Momma?